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Faith in Waiting
I figured I’d have to get Erin used to having someone around that cared about her. It wasn’t that she was upset that I was paying so much attention to her, it was that she wasn’t used to someone giving her actual affection instead of orders.
I didn’t want to wait for her to get used to it, because I kept hearing that low, rumbling voice that represented my werewolf instincts. It kept growling at me, almost snarling, telling me to keep Erin close, to keep her safe and happy and hidden away from anything that could hurt her.
When I was younger, my dad explained to me that sometimes my werewolf instincts would just want to come out and take control, and that sometimes I’d have to choose whether or not to keep them tightly leashed.
It was hard to know which way to go when it came to Erin. There was just something about her that screamed ‘watch over me’ while that same part of her said ‘give me a hand and I’ll bite it off.’
I knew I had to wait for her to want more, but I didn’t want to wait. I just wanted to reach out and grab and hide the both of us away in my closet.
Just like what I did with that puppy I found when I was 5.
Of course, Mom made me give up the puppy, but I wasn’t going to give up Erin.
~*~*~*~
Sighing, I leaned against the kitchen doorway as Mom started berating Erin. I started grinding together my back molars to keep from pushing Mom away and headed for the back door so I could leave.
I needed to get out of there before I did something dangerous.
It grated on my nerves, seeing someone push someone else around so much with no regard for their emotions, and I was close to crossing the line between mild upset and blinding bloodthirsty rage.
I practically slammed the back door closed as I went outside, and walked straight for the part of the forest that the backyard backed on to. The trees were close together, full of pine needles and cedar branches, and within seconds I was hidden in the forest.
Once I was about a hundred feet into the trees, I leaned my head back and let loose a loud howl.
The sound echoed through the trees like an eerie whistle. Pitch increased as it went on, increasing so much it was soon out of range of normal human hearing, heading further into canines and other animals. Dogs and wolves at nearby houses started barking and howling in response, the sound panicked and supportive.
It was just a way to vent my frustrations. I couldn’t turn and become a werewolf; it wasn’t the right time, the moon wasn’t in the right spot, but I could still howl.
The rational part of me was at war with the werewolf instincts snapping at the bit in my head, the rational part saying to give Erin the privacy she wanted while the instinct wanted to keep her in sight and mark her as ours.
The werewolf part of me felt like a different person inside of my head sometimes, growling at me to do things when I wanted to do something else.
I still wanted to be around Erin, that hadn’t changed, and I imagined that it would never change. It was just that the wanting-to-be-dominant werewolf part of me wanted Erin with a dangerous intensity, wanted everyone to know that Erin was ours for the taking.
In my mind I could see the werewolf part of me, pulling at his leash so he could run straight for Erin and lay his head down in her lap.
That actually didn’t sound like a bad idea.
I pushed a hand through my hair, messing up the already uncontrollable black strands, and headed back towards the house. I could hear the voices overlapping each other before I even opened the door, and headed away from the noise escaping the dining room.
The kitchen was empty except for empty plates and full platters of food, and a very harassed-looking vampire.
I headed over to her and pressed a kiss to her temple. “How are you doing?”
“I’m ready to kill your mother.” She leaned against me for a moment, then moved away to pull a pitcher of iced tea out of the fridge. “Why does the quote ‘once more unto the breach’ keep running through my head?”
I chuckled as she headed into the dining room and leaned back against the counter, still surprised that she could make jokes even when Mom was nagging like there was no tomorrow.
Glancing over at the clock on the wall I figured I should leave for class, so I headed out of the kitchen towards the garage door. The path I took led me in front of a door to the dining room, which ended up being a big mistake because Mom called my name as I walked past.
Crap.
Stopping, I turned and headed for the dining room, staying just outside so I wasn’t pulled into a space filled with socially important women that would talk my ears off about nothing I found interesting. “I was just on my way to class.”
She waved her hand, not caring, not making the effort to care, and walked over to me to pull me into the room. “You can leave in a few minutes. I just wanted to introduce you.” We ended up behind the empty chair at the head of the table, and I was getting the feeling that I’d just been put on display. “This is my son, Simon. He’s a student at the college in town.”
There were approving murmurs, but all I could do was watch Erin as she went around clearing plates and pouring drinks. The women never even looked at her; it was like they didn’t even know she was there.
It became more obvious they didn’t know Erin was there when one of them started waving her glass around, tossing the contents right into Erin’s face. I could tell when she got angry, but she just cleaned up with the towel tucked into her pocket, going right back to work.
One woman, who looked up-tight and proper and like she’d just sucked on half a dozen lemons, turned her head to look at my mom. “Perhaps your son could give my daughter a ride to the college, Eleanor. I brought her here completely forgetting that she has a class today.”
“That’s an excellent idea, Dinah.”
A look passed between Mom and this sour old bat, and an icy cold chill crept up my spine.
Damn matchmaking mothers.
Lemonface turned to her daughter and started fixing her hair, pulling at the long sleeves of her dress, and berating her in front of everyone. “This is the only time I’m letting you go in a male’s car on your own, Marianna, so you better behave. Don’t say anything inappropriate. In fact, don’t say anything at all. You might say something moronic again.” The girl looked around the table and blushed, reaching for one of those small tea cakes only to have it smacked out of her hand. “No more food for you until dinner. You’re starting to put on weight.”
She was? I looked at her, thinking her mother was a few fries short of a Happy Meal. She was maybe 10 pounds heavier than Michaela, so it wasn’t like she was preparing for her winter hibernation or anything. If anything, she looked like she could stand to gain a little more weight.
I could see Erin roll her eyes, and I smothered a chuckle in a throat-clearing cough. “I’ll go bring the car around to the front so your daughter doesn’t have to go through the garage.”
“Yes, of course.” Mom started leading me out of the dining room to the garage, pulling me down so she could whisper in my ear. “Dinah Ayesay is part of one of the oldest families in the community, so her daughter is the most eligible young woman still not married on the market. Her only competition is your sister, but Michaela’s still too young to marry. If you marry Marianna, then you’ll have finally established yourself in society. You’ve been ignoring your place for far too long.”
It was these days when I wished I was an orphan, or adopted. Or both.
I stopped at the garage door and gently pushed Mom away so there was some space between the two of us. “Mom, I’m only 20, and that girl in there barely looks older than Michaela. I don’t appreciate you pushing me into marrying someone. Now, go back to your lunch. They are here to see you, right?”
She paused, nodded, and headed back to the dining room. It’s pretty much the only way to get her to leave you alone, short of yelling at her: appeal to her vanity and popularity.
I got into my Jeep and drove it out to the front drive when the girl walked out of the front door. She got in without a word, buckled herself in, and we were a few minutes away from the house before she spoke. “I’m sorry about my mother. She’s an uptight bitch.”
Her tone was so honest I couldn’t help but laugh. “I noticed. Well, I’m sorry for my mother. She can be a bitch herself sometimes.” I looked over at her and nodded as a hello. “Simon.”
She nodded back. “Mari.” Her hands went to her hair, pulling the blonde mass free of the tight braid, and she leaned back in the seat. “So, what do you think about all of this marriage business?”
“I think it’s a huge load of shit, no offence. I’m sure you’re nice and everything, but I’m already seeing someone.” The werewolf in my head howled in agreement, preferring Erin over another wolf.
“It’s okay. I’ve already got a boyfriend, one my mother doesn’t know about.” Mari turned in the seat, watching me for some reason. “That vampire girl working for your mother. You’re seeing her.”
I chuckled, trying to concentrate on driving instead of thinking about Erin. “I’m trying to. Was it that obvious?”
“Not really, but you were the only one to actually look at her.”
When I parked in the campus parking lot, Mari just about jumped out of the car, giving me a smile. “Thanks for the ride.” She headed for one of the buildings and ran straight for someone, jumping into his arms.
I leaned back in the seat, rubbing my hands over my face. I didn’t want to go to class; I wanted to head back and see Erin and hold her close and tell Mom she’d been a total bitch. Of course, then Mom would know, but I didn’t really care. We were both adults, and if Erin got fired I’d move out with her and we’d get a place of our own.
I was starting to like this idea more and more, but I knew I had to wait for Erin to be ready for people to know we were together.
Sometimes waiting really was the hardest part. Damn those songwriters.
I figured I’d have to get Erin used to having someone around that cared about her. It wasn’t that she was upset that I was paying so much attention to her, it was that she wasn’t used to someone giving her actual affection instead of orders.
I didn’t want to wait for her to get used to it, because I kept hearing that low, rumbling voice that represented my werewolf instincts. It kept growling at me, almost snarling, telling me to keep Erin close, to keep her safe and happy and hidden away from anything that could hurt her.
When I was younger, my dad explained to me that sometimes my werewolf instincts would just want to come out and take control, and that sometimes I’d have to choose whether or not to keep them tightly leashed.
It was hard to know which way to go when it came to Erin. There was just something about her that screamed ‘watch over me’ while that same part of her said ‘give me a hand and I’ll bite it off.’
I knew I had to wait for her to want more, but I didn’t want to wait. I just wanted to reach out and grab and hide the both of us away in my closet.
Just like what I did with that puppy I found when I was 5.
Of course, Mom made me give up the puppy, but I wasn’t going to give up Erin.
~*~*~*~
Sighing, I leaned against the kitchen doorway as Mom started berating Erin. I started grinding together my back molars to keep from pushing Mom away and headed for the back door so I could leave.
I needed to get out of there before I did something dangerous.
It grated on my nerves, seeing someone push someone else around so much with no regard for their emotions, and I was close to crossing the line between mild upset and blinding bloodthirsty rage.
I practically slammed the back door closed as I went outside, and walked straight for the part of the forest that the backyard backed on to. The trees were close together, full of pine needles and cedar branches, and within seconds I was hidden in the forest.
Once I was about a hundred feet into the trees, I leaned my head back and let loose a loud howl.
The sound echoed through the trees like an eerie whistle. Pitch increased as it went on, increasing so much it was soon out of range of normal human hearing, heading further into canines and other animals. Dogs and wolves at nearby houses started barking and howling in response, the sound panicked and supportive.
It was just a way to vent my frustrations. I couldn’t turn and become a werewolf; it wasn’t the right time, the moon wasn’t in the right spot, but I could still howl.
The rational part of me was at war with the werewolf instincts snapping at the bit in my head, the rational part saying to give Erin the privacy she wanted while the instinct wanted to keep her in sight and mark her as ours.
The werewolf part of me felt like a different person inside of my head sometimes, growling at me to do things when I wanted to do something else.
I still wanted to be around Erin, that hadn’t changed, and I imagined that it would never change. It was just that the wanting-to-be-dominant werewolf part of me wanted Erin with a dangerous intensity, wanted everyone to know that Erin was ours for the taking.
In my mind I could see the werewolf part of me, pulling at his leash so he could run straight for Erin and lay his head down in her lap.
That actually didn’t sound like a bad idea.
I pushed a hand through my hair, messing up the already uncontrollable black strands, and headed back towards the house. I could hear the voices overlapping each other before I even opened the door, and headed away from the noise escaping the dining room.
The kitchen was empty except for empty plates and full platters of food, and a very harassed-looking vampire.
I headed over to her and pressed a kiss to her temple. “How are you doing?”
“I’m ready to kill your mother.” She leaned against me for a moment, then moved away to pull a pitcher of iced tea out of the fridge. “Why does the quote ‘once more unto the breach’ keep running through my head?”
I chuckled as she headed into the dining room and leaned back against the counter, still surprised that she could make jokes even when Mom was nagging like there was no tomorrow.
Glancing over at the clock on the wall I figured I should leave for class, so I headed out of the kitchen towards the garage door. The path I took led me in front of a door to the dining room, which ended up being a big mistake because Mom called my name as I walked past.
Crap.
Stopping, I turned and headed for the dining room, staying just outside so I wasn’t pulled into a space filled with socially important women that would talk my ears off about nothing I found interesting. “I was just on my way to class.”
She waved her hand, not caring, not making the effort to care, and walked over to me to pull me into the room. “You can leave in a few minutes. I just wanted to introduce you.” We ended up behind the empty chair at the head of the table, and I was getting the feeling that I’d just been put on display. “This is my son, Simon. He’s a student at the college in town.”
There were approving murmurs, but all I could do was watch Erin as she went around clearing plates and pouring drinks. The women never even looked at her; it was like they didn’t even know she was there.
It became more obvious they didn’t know Erin was there when one of them started waving her glass around, tossing the contents right into Erin’s face. I could tell when she got angry, but she just cleaned up with the towel tucked into her pocket, going right back to work.
One woman, who looked up-tight and proper and like she’d just sucked on half a dozen lemons, turned her head to look at my mom. “Perhaps your son could give my daughter a ride to the college, Eleanor. I brought her here completely forgetting that she has a class today.”
“That’s an excellent idea, Dinah.”
A look passed between Mom and this sour old bat, and an icy cold chill crept up my spine.
Damn matchmaking mothers.
Lemonface turned to her daughter and started fixing her hair, pulling at the long sleeves of her dress, and berating her in front of everyone. “This is the only time I’m letting you go in a male’s car on your own, Marianna, so you better behave. Don’t say anything inappropriate. In fact, don’t say anything at all. You might say something moronic again.” The girl looked around the table and blushed, reaching for one of those small tea cakes only to have it smacked out of her hand. “No more food for you until dinner. You’re starting to put on weight.”
She was? I looked at her, thinking her mother was a few fries short of a Happy Meal. She was maybe 10 pounds heavier than Michaela, so it wasn’t like she was preparing for her winter hibernation or anything. If anything, she looked like she could stand to gain a little more weight.
I could see Erin roll her eyes, and I smothered a chuckle in a throat-clearing cough. “I’ll go bring the car around to the front so your daughter doesn’t have to go through the garage.”
“Yes, of course.” Mom started leading me out of the dining room to the garage, pulling me down so she could whisper in my ear. “Dinah Ayesay is part of one of the oldest families in the community, so her daughter is the most eligible young woman still not married on the market. Her only competition is your sister, but Michaela’s still too young to marry. If you marry Marianna, then you’ll have finally established yourself in society. You’ve been ignoring your place for far too long.”
It was these days when I wished I was an orphan, or adopted. Or both.
I stopped at the garage door and gently pushed Mom away so there was some space between the two of us. “Mom, I’m only 20, and that girl in there barely looks older than Michaela. I don’t appreciate you pushing me into marrying someone. Now, go back to your lunch. They are here to see you, right?”
She paused, nodded, and headed back to the dining room. It’s pretty much the only way to get her to leave you alone, short of yelling at her: appeal to her vanity and popularity.
I got into my Jeep and drove it out to the front drive when the girl walked out of the front door. She got in without a word, buckled herself in, and we were a few minutes away from the house before she spoke. “I’m sorry about my mother. She’s an uptight bitch.”
Her tone was so honest I couldn’t help but laugh. “I noticed. Well, I’m sorry for my mother. She can be a bitch herself sometimes.” I looked over at her and nodded as a hello. “Simon.”
She nodded back. “Mari.” Her hands went to her hair, pulling the blonde mass free of the tight braid, and she leaned back in the seat. “So, what do you think about all of this marriage business?”
“I think it’s a huge load of shit, no offence. I’m sure you’re nice and everything, but I’m already seeing someone.” The werewolf in my head howled in agreement, preferring Erin over another wolf.
“It’s okay. I’ve already got a boyfriend, one my mother doesn’t know about.” Mari turned in the seat, watching me for some reason. “That vampire girl working for your mother. You’re seeing her.”
I chuckled, trying to concentrate on driving instead of thinking about Erin. “I’m trying to. Was it that obvious?”
“Not really, but you were the only one to actually look at her.”
When I parked in the campus parking lot, Mari just about jumped out of the car, giving me a smile. “Thanks for the ride.” She headed for one of the buildings and ran straight for someone, jumping into his arms.
I leaned back in the seat, rubbing my hands over my face. I didn’t want to go to class; I wanted to head back and see Erin and hold her close and tell Mom she’d been a total bitch. Of course, then Mom would know, but I didn’t really care. We were both adults, and if Erin got fired I’d move out with her and we’d get a place of our own.
I was starting to like this idea more and more, but I knew I had to wait for Erin to be ready for people to know we were together.
Sometimes waiting really was the hardest part. Damn those songwriters.
yay, i got part 10 up before 
woo-hoo.
this part features the cameo of *denlm. hope you enjoy who i've turned you into, doll. at least you didn't die.
the next cameo prize will be awarded at 400 page views.
i was listening to a lot of different music as i wrote this, like Evanescence and A Fine Frenzy. i wonder if it came through in the writing *thinking face*
edit 5/3: i don't think i really fiddled with this part as much as some of the other ones, but i did change bits of that one chunky paragraph someone mentioned.
woo-hoo.this part features the cameo of *denlm. hope you enjoy who i've turned you into, doll. at least you didn't die.
the next cameo prize will be awarded at 400 page views.i was listening to a lot of different music as i wrote this, like Evanescence and A Fine Frenzy. i wonder if it came through in the writing *thinking face*
edit 5/3: i don't think i really fiddled with this part as much as some of the other ones, but i did change bits of that one chunky paragraph someone mentioned.
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactTaking a break from writing for some fun with Simon...
~~~
Faith in Waiting
I figured I’d have to get Erin used to having someone around [WHO][DELthat] cared about her. It wasn’t that she was upset [DELthat] I was paying so much attention to her, it was that she wasn’t used to someone giving her actual affection instead of orders.
I didn’t want to wait for her to get used to it, because I kept hearing that low, rumbling voice that represented my werewolf instincts. It kept growling at me, almost snarling, telling me to keep Erin close, to keep her safe and happy and hidden away from anything that could hurt her.
When I was younger, my dad explained to me that sometimes my werewolf instincts would just want to come out and take control, and that sometimes I’d have to choose whether or not to keep them tightly leashed.
It was hard to know which way to go when it came to Erin. There was just something about her that screamed ‘watch over me’ while that same part of her said ‘give me a hand and I’ll bite it off.’
I knew I had to wait for her to want more, but [MY INTINCTS][DELI] didn’t want to wait. [THEY][DELI just] wanted to reach out and grab and hide the both of us away in my closet.
Just like what I did with that puppy I found when I was [FIVE][DEL5].
Of course, Mom made me give up the puppy, but I wasn’t going to give up Erin.
~*~*~*~
Sighing, I leaned against the kitchen doorway as Mom [started] berating Erin. I [started...USED TWICE] grinding together my back molars to keep from [push]ing Mom away [FROM HER] and headed for the back door [DEL...ASSUMEDso I could leave.]
I needed to get out of there before I did something dangerous.
It grated on my nerves, seeing someone [push] someone else around so much with no regard for their emotions, and I was close to crossing the line between mild upset and blinding bloodthirsty rage.
I practically slammed the back door closed as I went outside, and walked straight for the [DELpart of] the forest [DELthat] the backyard backed on to. The trees were close together, full of pine needles and cedar branches, and within seconds I was hidden in the[IR DEPTHS] [DELforest].
Once I was about a hundred feet into the trees, I leaned my head back and let loose a loud howl.
[THESE TWO PARAS BELONG TOGETHER]
The sound [echoed through the trees...YOU’D THINK THE TREES WOULD MUFFLE THE HOWL, NOT ECHO IT] like an eerie whistle. [Pitch...OR WOULD THIS BE FREQUENCY?] increased as it [went on...WEAK VERB ALERT...TRAVELED, CARRIED], [DELincreasing] so much it was soon out of range of normal human hearing, heading [TOWARDS THOSE OF][DELfurther into] canines and other animals. Dogs and wolves at nearby houses [DELstarted] bark[ED][DELing] and howl[ED][DELing] in response, the sound panicked and supportive.
It was [DELjust] a way to vent my frustrations. I couldn’t turn and become a werewolf; it wasn’t the right time, the moon wasn’t in the right spot, but I could still howl.
The rational part of me was at war with the werewolf instincts snapping at the bit in my head, [DELthe rational part] saying to give Erin the privacy she wanted while the instinct wanted to keep her in sight and mark her as ours.
The werewolf part of me felt like a different person inside of my head sometimes, growling at me to do things when I wanted to do something else.
I still wanted to be around Erin, that hadn’t changed, and I imagined [DELthat] it would never change. [DELIt was just that] the wanting-to-be-dominant werewolf part of me wanted Erin with a dangerous intensity, wanted everyone to know that Erin was ours for the taking.[YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING SIMILAR TWO PARAS BACK]
In my mind I could see the werewolf part of me, pulling at his leash so he could run straight for Erin and lay his head down in her lap.
That actually didn’t sound like a bad idea.
I pushed a hand through my hair, messing up the already uncontrollable black strands, and headed back towards the house. I [DELcould] hear[D] the [RAISED FEMALE] voices overlapping each other before I even opened the door, and headed away from the [MELEE...OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. WE ASSUME HE’S HEADING FROM THE NOISE, BUT WHY?][DELnoise escaping the dining room.][I WASN’T IN THE MOOD TO DEAL WITH MOM AND HER FRIENDS NOW.]
The kitchen was empty except for empty plates and full platters of food, and a very [ANGRY, INFURIATED, PISSED...harassed]-looking vampire.
I headed over to her and pressed a kiss to her temple. “How are you doing?”
“I’m ready to kill your mother.” She leaned against me for a moment, then moved away to pull a pitcher of iced tea out of the fridge. “Why does the quote ‘once more unto the breach’ keep running through my head?”
I chuckled as she headed into the dining room and leaned back against the counter, still surprised [DELthat] she could make jokes [DELeven] when Mom was nagging like there was no tomorrow.
Glancing over at the clock on the wall I figured I should leave for class, so I headed out of the kitchen towards the garage door. The path I took led me in front of a door to the dining room, which ended up being a big mistake because Mom called my name as I walked past.
Crap.
Stopping, I turned and headed for the dining room, staying just outside [THE DOORWAY] so I wasn’t [JERKED, TUGGED, LASSOED...THAT SOUNDS FUN][DEL...WEAK VERBpulled] into a space filled with socially important women [WHO][DELthat] would talk my ears off about nothing I found interesting. “I was just on my way to class.”
She waved her hand, not caring[DEL,] no[R][DELt] making the effort to care, and walked over to me[,] [DELto] pull[ING] me into the room. “You can leave in a few minutes. I just wanted to introduce you.” We ended up behind the empty chair at the head of the table, and I was getting the feeling [DELthat] I’d just been put on display. “This is my son, Simon. He’s a student at the college in town.”
There were approving murmurs, but all I could do was watch Erin as she [SIDLED ABOUT THE ROOM,][DELwent around] clearing plates and pouring drinks. The women never [ONCE][DELeven] looked at her; it was like they didn’t even know she was there.
It became more obvious [DELthey didn’t know Erin was there] when one of them started waving her glass around, [IN THE PROCESS] tossing the [contents...MORE DETAILS ON THIS CONTENTS...LEMONADE, TEA, BEER] right into Erin’s face. [I could tell when she got angry...TELLING...HOW COULD HE TELL?], but she just cleaned up [WHAT?] with the towel tucked into her pocket, going right back to work.
One woman, who looked up-tight and proper and like she’d just sucked on half a dozen lemons[LOL! LOVE IT], turned her head to look at my mom. “<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title="Wink/Razz" />erhaps your son could give my daughter a ride to the college, Eleanor. I brought her here completely forgetting [DELthat] she has a class today.”“That’s an excellent idea, Dinah.”
A look passed between Mom and this sour old bat, and an icy cold chill crept up my spine.
Damn matchmaking mothers.
Lemonface turned to her daughter and started fixing her hair, pulling at the long sleeves of her dress, and berating her in front of everyone. “This is the only time I’m letting you go in a male’s car on your own, Marianna, so you better behave. Don’t say anything inappropriate. In fact, don’t say anything at all. You might say something moronic again.”
[NEW PARA]The girl looked around the table and blushed, reaching for one of those small tea cakes only to have it smacked out of her hand.
[NEW PARA]“No more food for you until dinner. You’re starting to put on weight.”
She was? I looked at her, thinking her mother was a few fries short of a Happy Meal. She was maybe [TEN][DEL10] pounds heavier than Michaela, so it wasn’t like she was preparing for her winter hibernation or anything. If anything, she looked like she could stand to gain a little more weight.
I could see Erin roll her eyes, and I smothered a chuckle in a throat-clearing cough. “I’ll go bring the car around to the front so your daughter doesn’t have to go through the garage.”
“Yes, of course.” Mom started leading me out of the dining room to the garage, pulling me down so she could whisper in my ear. “Dinah Ayesay is part of one of the oldest families in the community, so her daughter is the most eligible young woman [DEL...BY SAYING ‘ON THE MARKET,’ IT’S ASSUMED SHE’S NOT MARRIED...still not married] on the market. [Her only competition is your sister, but Michaela’s still too young to marry...WHY IS SHE TELLING THIS TO HIM? SIMON SHOULD KNOW HIS SIS IS TOO YOUNG TO BE MARRIED] If you marry Marianna, then you’ll have finally established yourself in society. You’ve been ignoring your place for far too long.”
It was [AT TIMES LIKE THIS][DELthese days] when I wished I was an orphan, or adopted. Or both.
I stopped at the garage door and gently [push]ed Mom away so there was some space between the two of us. “Mom, I’m only [TWENTY][DEL20], and that girl in there barely looks older than Michaela. I don’t appreciate you [push]ing me into marrying someone. Now, go back to your lunch. They are here to see you, right?”
She paused, nodded, and headed back to the dining room. It’s pretty much the only way to get her to leave you alone, short of yelling at her: appeal to her vanity and popularity.
I got into my Jeep and drove it out to the front drive when the girl walked out of the front door. She got in without a word, buckled herself in, and we were a few minutes away from the house before she spoke. “I’m sorry about my mother. She’s an uptight bitch.”
Her tone was so honest I couldn’t help but laugh. “I noticed. Well, I’m sorry for my mother. She can be a bitch herself sometimes.” I looked over at her and nodded as a hello. “Simon.”
She nodded back. “Mari.” Her hands went to her hair, pulling the blonde mass free of the tight braid, and [DELshe] leaned back in the seat. “So, what do you think about all of this marriage business?”
“I think it’s a huge load of shit, no [MISSPELLED...OFFENSE...offence]. I’m sure you’re nice and everything, but I’m already seeing someone.”
[NEW PARA]The werewolf in my head howled in agreement, preferring Erin over another wolf. [YOU HAVEN’T MENTIONED BEFORE THIS POINT THAT ANY OF HIS MOM’S FRIEND’S WERE WOLVES. MAYBE ADD IN SMELL OR SOMETHING?]
“It’s okay. I’ve already got a boyfriend, one my mother doesn’t know about.” Mari turned in the seat, watching me for some reason. “That vampire girl working for your mother. You’re seeing her.”
I chuckled, trying to concentrate on driving instead of thinking about Erin. “I’m trying to. Was it that obvious?”
“Not really, but you were the only one to actually look at her.”
When I parked in the campus parking lot, Mari just about jumped out of the car, giving me a smile. “Thanks for the ride.” She headed for one of the buildings and ran straight for someone, jumping into his arms.
I leaned [back] in the seat, rubbing my hands over my face. I didn’t want to go to class; I wanted to head [back] and see Erin and hold her close and tell Mom she’d been a total bitch. Of course, then Mom would know, but I didn’t really care. We were both adults, and if Erin got fired I’d move out with her and we’d get a place of our own.
I was starting to like th[AT][DELis] idea more and more, but I knew I had to wait for Erin to be ready for people to know we were together.
Sometimes waiting really was the hardest part. Damn those songwriters.
~~~
Hmm... this chap didn’t really go to plot, not unless Erin got superjealous over Simon’s exit with Mari. Does she? I can’t remember now. Anyhoo, I don’t feel any closer to the climax of this story after reading this chap, though I do know Simon more. The part where Simon went to howl away his frustrations was cool. I like seeing his wolf parts. Wait... that didn’t sound right.
I’ve been noticing over the past few chaps you use a couple of verbs a lot... push and pull. Not bad verbs, but there are many places you can rev up your writing by picking a more active verb in its place.
That’s about it. Take what you need.
KM